Recently, I’ve been waging this war against appearing dilettantish. I think it’s because I took the Meyers-Briggs Test, freshman year, and found out I am a true ENFP, from that point it all became very clear (like scary clear). Ever since, I’ve monitored myself, making sure everything I do has purpose and is connected to a big picture–and generally that means it’s associated with money, a big name, and a specific path.
Chasing after these things has caused me quite a bit of anxiety.
For that reason, I’ve decided to step back from it all and be myself, which you can imagine is pretty challenging. Especially, when you’ve got yourself intertwined with this person you think people want you to be.
To combat the confusion, I’m starting to ask myself, “Is this something I truly want to do?”
In this question, I am allowing myself to pursue my happiness and my dreams–in spite of the the sideways glances, the clutching of the pearls, or the shaking heads.
I am keeping with me, my “go-getter” mentality and attaching it to things and opportunities I want. Even though being intentional does not come naturally to me, I enjoy the feeling that I’m working towards something–so, I’ve decided to keep this new trait as well.
I only have this one life to explore and I don’t want to waste it doing things that will make other people happy. It’s an impossible feat.
Does this mean I’m going to Paris?…We’ll have to see.